


bright black (alive)

by withluvsan (lostlovelis)



Series: of all colors (i chose you) [4]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: How Do I Tag, I Tried, M/M, Schizophrenic character, Yeosang is struggling, but also a lot of my own thoughts, but they're in this together, can be read as a standalone, i made research about the topic thank you very much, inspired by a talk with my brother about schizophrenic donnie darko, mentallyhealthy!wooyoung, people have an awkward vision about schizophrenia, rated t for mention of suicidal thoughts, schizophrenic!kangyeosang, so is Wooyoung, which is not fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostlovelis/pseuds/withluvsan
Summary: It was a lifelong illness.and so was wooyoung's love for him
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang
Series: of all colors (i chose you) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920976
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	bright black (alive)

**Author's Note:**

> i made my own research about schizophrenia, such as looking for institutional info on medical web pages, but if i still missed something, please let me know!! i'll try to fix it as soon as possible
> 
> ps: i am not an english native speaker so... yeah, i am sorry

It was so calm in their dorm room, but Yeosang still couldn’t bring himself to sleep.

Wooyoung’s embrace was warm and caring and loving, but it wasn’t enough, somehow.

It was because of the voices.

The damn voices that never left Yeosang alone.

They were a part of him, already. A part of him that he hated with all of his might, because he couldn’t make them stop.

It was like having multiple people talking inside of his head at the same time, telling him random things or just chatting between themselves.

It wasn’t that bad when he was on meds. Hell, no.

The last time he refused to take meds, Wooyoung had found him at the top of the dorms building, ready to jump.

“ _You don’t need to do what the voices are telling you to, Yeosangie,”_ Wooyoung had his cheeks stained with tears and panic wrote all over his face, but he kept taking careful steps in the direction of his boyfriend. _“I understand that they are saying really mean things to you, but I need you to come down and talk to me. We did it before, remember?”_

Yeosang felt a shiver run down his spine at the memory. He remembered of how worried Wooyoung was that day and how tight he had hugged his boyfriend, sobbing copiously while they took many steps away from the border of the roof.

Wooyoung was his safety pin when he had a psychotic episode, always around always knowing what to do and how to deal with the situation.

Growing up together, Wooyoung knew Yeosang like the back of his hand, even before the older’s diagnosis and before the endless sessions of therapy that Yeosang had to go through during his late teen years until they settled him down on his medication.

If Yeosang were the one telling the story of his diagnosis, he would say that he only could went on his very first session because of Wooyoung.

They were fifteen when Wooyoung had the idea of skipping classes and drag his best friend to somewhere without telling him.

 _“You said you hear voices and see things, but your mom won’t take you to the doctor, so I talked to my mom and she made an appointment to you with one of her friends,”_ when they stopped in front of the clinic, the voices were even louder against Yeosang’s ears, but he turned into being too good at hiding that he was seeing things at that point.

“Not sleepy?” Wooyoung’s raspy from sleep voice made its way through his boyfriend’s thoughts, bringing him back to reality, grounding him like a stone keeping a balloon from floating away.

“They are too loud today. Keep distracting me” Wooyoung hummed, nuzzling against the blonde’s neck, tightening his hold around Yeosang’s waist. The room had two beds, but they used only one most of the time.

“Wanna go talk to the doctor tomorrow? We can see if he can change something in your meds to help you out” Yeosang silently nodded, melting into Wooyoung’s embrace again and listening to the younger’s soft humming of some random song. He focused solely on his boyfriend’s voice.

~

The next day, they went to the clinic and brought up the topic of changing Yeosang’s medication and the doctor complied, making him a new prescription after hearing about the student’s struggles with the change of components.

When they went back to the campus, they sat together in a bench outside the dorms and stood there for a while.

Wooyoung used every opportunity he had to kiss his boyfriend’s cheeks and turn him into a giggling mess.

~

Wooyoung stopped taking notes on his notebook when he noticed Yeosang was on catatonic state again, eyes fixed on his own hands, which weren’t moving at all.

He had been talking about the new blind boy on his elective class, but went silent suddenly, making the younger look up from his books that were scattered over his bed.

It wasn’t something abnormal, not even concerning.

After so much time living together, knowing each other from inside-out, Wooyoung had learned when to be worried and when not.

When Yeosang was like this, and Wooyoung knew it, it was because he was gathering his thoughts, trying to piece them together in a way that it wouldn’t be too overwhelming for him to express.

“Yeosangie” Wooyoung got up from his own bed and went to his boyfriend’s, taking away Yeosang’s books from his hands and putting them in the desk “Who is bothering you? Is it Shinwook again?” Yeosang nodded, slowly raising his eyes, locking them with Wooyoung’s.

“He’s saying mean things about you. I can’t concentrate” Wooyoung hummed, sitting against the bed board and pulling the older into his embrace.

“I think he is jealous, because you have a beautiful boyfriend and he doesn’t” they giggled at the joke, Yeosang burying his face into Wooyoung’s neck.

After one of their countless sessions of therapy, the psychiatrist advised Yeosang to name some of the voices on his head. It was supposed to help him to differentiate the voices from his own thoughts, making easier to concentrate. The change on his medications, however, always brought up not so nice side effects, sometimes worsening his psychotics behaviors, which worried Wooyoung to no end.

“Take a break. You’ve been studying non-stop for hours now. You should rest a bit,” Wooyoung caressed the boy’s hair in a soothing motion, taking the silence as an agreement before singing sweet songs into the quiet room.

“Wake me up in two hours, top. I need to finish this subject” the younger nodded, humming another song. Yeosang sighed in fake annoyance before closing his eyes and allowing himself to relax.

He was in Wooyoung’s arms, after all. He felt safe there.


End file.
